Received this yesterday and had to make a couple decisions- 1st whether to post or not (easy) and 2d under "Prose & Poetry" or "Junk on the Bunk" (coin Toss). Hopefully with Fast Eddy's after the fact approval here is the "Birthday story of one JD".

Once upon a very, very, long time ago, there was born a future Marine. They named this future Marine JD. That way, he only needed to learn two letters in the alphabet when he was put away (scratch that and insert "sent to school"). Before you ask, I need to tell you we'll discuss that schooling period in his life at a later date when the justice department grants us clearance to do so.

When it was time, his parents drug (scratch that and insert "took") him down to the local recruiter and forged his signature (scratch that and insert "had him sign"). They would have done it sooner but the age of 5 was a tad too soon. JD was soon sent to boot camp where his unfortunate (scratch that and insert "motivated") D.I. had him take a test (scratch that and insert "battery of tests"). They wanted to see what it was he was qualified for. (NOTE: It's at this time the reader surely recognizes how daunting a task that D.I. had.) Then he took another battery of tests since the first set showed he wasn't qualified for anything (scratch that and insert "inconclusive"). By the time he had taken his fifth set of tests and had graduated with his platoon, they shipped his ass out (scratch that and insert "transferred him") .

It was at NATTC Memphis the light bulb came on (scratch that and insert "he discovered"). All those years of pounding his head against his steel desk at school made him highly qualified (scratch that and insert "somewhat") to be a tin bending, hydraulic mechanic. Not just any tin and hose bender mind you. But, an "A" School Graduate of The Aviation Helicopter Mechanic Sort of Tin Bender/Hydraulic Leak Repairer School. I mean, what else were they going to do with him? What with his Mommy pressuring them every day to pound something into his head (scratch that and insert "educate him").

I'll not cover any of his relatively short (scratch that and insert "disaster us") career at this time. Seems the Corps hasn't declassified (scratch that and insert "removed all the four letter words") from his SRB. Needless to say, he was shown the gate (scratch that and insert "discharged") where he jaunted into the world of civilians. He had a somewhat, kind of, sort of trade. Regrettably (scratch that and insert "eventually)", it seems he choose the fire department as his new career. Well, that's not exactly how it happened. It seems he almost destroyed (scratched that and insert "remodeled") his first apartment while trying to light the pilot light on his stove with gasoline. Seems the local area fire Capt thought it best to have him on the inside of the department where they could keep an eye on him (scratch that and insert "happy to have him"). Maybe that explains why his records from that period of employment have since been burned.

We now arrive at this much later date in the history of JD's time on earth. It seems JD's birthday is fast approaching (scratch that and insert "there isn't any way to avoid it"). No matter how hard we try, he's always there to remind us.(scratch that and insert "there but for the grace of God, go I") You can tell just by looking at his fast balding head, his lengthy nose hair, GAS-X pill case and an ever increasing belt size that his has been a long life. (So has this greeting.) One filled with so much promise and so little result. (His life. Not this greeting.)

Regardless, I think we owe it to ourselves (scratch that and insert "before he asks for his presents again") to wish him a Happy Birthday. In the hope he will have many more in the future. If we don't tell him, he might want that $20 back he loaned (scratch that and insert "graciously gave") me in '68.

Happy Birthday tomorrow JD. May the Good Lord continue to look down upon you with a smile.

Semper Fi
Fast Eddy