By: Ed Creamer

Have you ever wondered what goes through the mind of some people when they are in any large parking lot? I’m not talking about the people you see wandering around in a daze while mumbling loudly to themselves. Looking for a car they just know someone moved on them while they were in the Victoria Secret store. Well, those aren’t the ones I’m talking about. They’re the sane shoppers. Here’s a couple examples of why some of these people make me hate parking in large lots.

Take the people who wait until you’re ready to back out of a parking space and dart out behind your car. Then, just as soon as they open their eyes and discover there’s a meaning to your rolling car’s bright back-up lights, they stop and stare at you. Almost as if to ask, “Would you care to guess the amount my lawyer told me I’d can get from your insurance company? Come on and make my payday.”

Or, how about the drivers who see the lane marker arrows pointing in one direction and then totally ignore them. They seem to be totally oblivious to the fact people are honking at them as they squeeze by. My “for better or worse” soul mate is one of those. She tells me those arrows are advisory only and don’t have to be obeyed when you see a parking spot closer to the mall doors. “Wave at the nice people honey.”

Then there another thing people do with cars in the parking lot. It serves the same purpose as that played by your doctor when he breaks out this little mallet and taps below your knee. The name of this game is “Let’s Check The Ole Reflexes”. In this game there are two players. There’s a driver and there’s you. The party of the first part, the driver, lays in wait with their engine running until you, the party of the second part, saunters slowly along. Just when you least expect it, the driver guns out of the parking space, slams on the brakes and stops just before you made an appearance in tomorrows obit section. If, and this is a biggy, if, you didn’t have a heart attack your reflexes have just been tested. Simon says, “Skip your next annual physical”.

The last group I’m talking about aren’t exactly drivers. These are the people that have emptied their shopping cart and park it right against your brand new car. My guess is they’re the same ones that believe you car was placed there to stop their door from going open any further than your vehicles side panel.

Now you know why I hate to go shopping.