Recently I heard, while watching the World Cup competition, there was some mention about sports played in other countries. Not sure what sports they played when they were growing up, but here there’s almost too many for Americans children to choose from.
If you lived in the northeastern part of our country (and at a few southern California schools that wish they were in the northeast) the game is lacrosse. That’s where you pretend you’re an Indian and try to brain damage your opponent with your stick (the crosse). Those that played the game usually go to Harvard, Yale or Brown and have children named Muffy and Fluffy.
If you were to live in the Deep South or the state of Texas, American style football is the game of choice. Every male child is put on a team at the age of six months and expected to run the 100 meters in less than 6 seconds by the age of 12. If not, the family is totally ostracized and must move to another school district. Preferably one that’s located above the Mason Dixon line.
Baseball is game that has been almost outsourced to Latin and South America. It’s not that kids here don’t like baseball. It’s just that most participants have fallen asleep by the end of the 4th inning. Borrrrrriiiing!
Soccer is one of those sports that has been pretty well relegated to children under the age of 14. I say that because by that age parents are no longer interested in bringing snacks and Gator Aide to the games and are looking for a sport their curtain climber can play while they drink beer on the sidelines.
Rugby is not allowed in most states. It seems none of the sporting goods stores carry anything larger than a basketball for the kids to play with. But, if you look closely, at night in small parks in a few locations, you will find a match going on. Usually the winner gets free medical care for six months.
Cricket is one of those sports people would like to play but never could advance beyond their first wicket of croquet. That and the inability to say, “good show” without someone wondering if they were referring to Angelina Joliet’s new movie or the latest Andrew Lloyd Weber’s creation. You see, it’s that Commonwealth accent we just can’t see to get the hang of Old Boy.
Now, if you were to have a child that would be willing to be placed on a rack and stretched to a height of 7 feet tall when young, basketball is the game of choice. That way there’s enough room on the arms for all the tattoos required of a professional player who isn’t smart enough to graduate from college but still earn enough to buy two or three small countries.
Wrestling has been pretty well relegated to the Midwestern part of the country where the corn grows tall and the wheat fields don’t. Now, I’m not sure about you but if I wanted to hold someone down for a three count, I wouldn’t choose another guy wearing brightly colored tight shorts. However, the “sport” is responsible for adding to our language phrases such as, “let’s choose up sides and smell arm pits”.
In conclusion, let me say this is not a total listing of the sports our children here select from to play. I know I’ve left out track, tennis, swimming and gold. Those rather soft sports are reserved for the players at the Naval Academy. Remember, they are gentlemen and we wouldn’t want them to get hurt.