By: Ed Creamer

As I grow older I find there are lots of things I never knew I knew. Things like, you’ll never, ever find a bikini in a combat zone. Actually, there was this one time when this supply pogue,,,,,. But, that was different. Regardless, bikini’s, you see, are not what one would consider appropriate attire for conducting emergency extraction missions. I mean no self-respecting crew chief would ever wear one and a flak jacket at the same time without shoes to match.

Listen; did you know there is no such thing as a recipe for resupply missions? I never knew that. But, I’ve checked every book Martha Stewart ever wrote and can’t find one. I mean she’s cooked up just about everything else. Ya think nobody ever asked her to do it? Why, if she had we could just turn to page 69 in one of her How Ta Do Practically Everything books and find how to mix up a really good resupply mission. Would have turned out better than some of those routine s–t sandwich missions we were served. Now THAT I knew.

Our local squadron Quack and part time Witch Doctor use to tell us there was an all fire cure for most everything. I never knew, until he told me, that salt water could cure most rashes. And, adding some of it to vodka makes a hangover disappear. However, I had to tell the quack there was one thing since time immortal, that salt has never been able to cure when someone is in a combat zone. He nodded and told me, “That’s why saltpeter was been invented”. Who knew?

The other day I read in the local fish wrap about a group of economists, with all their math tools, had gotten together for grins and giggles. You know how much fun those folks can be don’t you? Well, it seems they wanted to show that being rich wouldn’t buy a person happiness. To prove it, they broke out their slide rules, Keynesian equations and whatever else economists break out and not be arrested for indecent exposure to prove the point. When they had finished interviewing a whole herd of people, they came to a lot of conclusions. One of those was, if a person were to have sex once a week instead of once a month, that would bring one as much happiness as having $50,000 more income a year. When I told this to the wife all she said was, “show me the deposit ticket”. You know, I knew that.